As an ontological coach, I coach to people’s Way of Being. People often feel confronted when I ask about this – “myself – who else could I be?” So, here’s what I’ve got to share about Being.
Our Way of Being (“Being”) is how we perceive the world, and where we choose our actions from. As observers, we are made up of our thoughts/language, emotions and physical sensations – and all of these are interdependent on one another. For instance, if you have a backache, and someone asks how you are, you may answer, “My back is aching today – I’m tired, overwhelmed and frustrated, and I have to do so much work.” In this case, the physical sensation you’re experiencing may be creating the emotions you’re feeling and language you’re using. Everything you experience through this filtered Way of Being will occur as you are Being. It will also influence the actions you take and the results you get.
That assignment that’s due by the end of the week? “I have to do it today, because I won’t have time to complete it if I don’t.” Your kid wanting to play a game? “I’m too tired to play today.” Every email you receive is overwhelming. And to top it off, you have an argument with your partner in the evening, which makes you feel even more frustrated. Because who you were Being was Pain, Exhaustion and Obligation, every interaction reflected your Being back to you. (This is not to invalidate the experiences of temporary or chronic pain. Coaching is for people who have a healthy wellbeing. Physical and mental health issues should be treated by doctors and therapists before coaching begins.)
In coaching, we train you to recognize yourself as the source of your life, observe how your Being impacts the actions you take and the results you get, and generate your Being on a day-to-day and moment-to-moment basis. Through seeing your automatic Way of Being, you gain self-awareness, and through practicing coming from a different Being, you gain power and choice.
Let’s go back to that day. Your back is aching – you’re tired, overwhelmed and frustrated, and you have to do so much work. In order to best serve yourself and create new possibility, a choice you could make is to Be Honor, Self-Care and Delegation. From that Being, you may choose to contact work and take a personal day, do some dedicated stretching and rest, and maybe even ask your partner to do something with your kid after school so you can recuperate. Its possible that by the end of the day, you’re feeling understood, supported and ready to face the rest of the week with vigor. But you would never get those results had you continued in the Being you started with.
Coaching is about learning and getting results. We learn by experimenting, observing, choosing, acting, and observing some more. Being is a tool to shift what’s possible. It creates the possibility of different, more inspired actions to take in our lives, and getting different (and often) inspiring results.
Doing is known and familiar – we know what to do and how to do it, and can often do it automatically, with our heads down – just checking off boxes. Often the things we do are to fix or control our circumstances, or out of obligations to others.
Being is often unknown, as it is something we tend not to look for or notice about ourselves. It is setting intention – holding and being a space in and for ourselves, being curious and creative – and choosing and accepting what we get as a result. It helps us be deliberate about what we will do (and why), choose our actions differently, and see possibility everywhere (and go for it)!
Being is the meaning behind the actions we take, the attitude we include about what we’re doing, our centeredness in a scattered world. Being is about standing out as your authentic self in a world that wants you to fit in with everyone else. It’s about knowing that you are enough instead of acting in self-defense, and generating inspiration instead of choosing based on external factors.
If life is a building, then Being is the foundation on which we build. It is how we do what we do, not just going through the motions – the approach we bring to our busyness. Our Being creates a gravity around us, and our intention is reflected back to us by all we encounter. And the way we Be in our lives and the world makes the impossible possible.
There is expansion and discovery in Being – a flowing and joyous dance through life. And, there is nothing wrong with Being how you already are… unless you want to learn some new moves!
If you’re ready to expand your Being and create new possibilities, please contact me today!
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